Was very emotional earlier this afternoon. The magical Google made me see stuff that I shouldn’t – the blog of the Boy’s ex.
My heart was thumping when I saw Google came back with results from my key words. As the page was loading, my breathing increased rapidly. It was like getting my results that kind of feeling – I want to see it due to the increased curiosity that was build up overtime, but another part of me feared seeing stuff that would affect me.
True enough, I was quite affected. Not by their sweet nothings. There weren’t much sweet nothings. 95% of her blog was about her studies, friends and family. That 5% was the usual lamenting – Boyfriend didn’t put her as first priority, the other moment she said that Boyfriend doted her, treated her well and gave in to her tantrums and demands. She also wrote about the breakup, which she initiated, and how painful it was for her to make such a decision.
Mixed feelings went through my heart. I didn’t know how to explain. Totally lost my appetite during lunch. Aiya, anyway I guess it’s my usual rantings. Who ask me to be so insecure? Or rather, who ask the Boy to not love me enough? There’s never enough huh? Bleah.